Saudi King Abdullah has a Facebook account under the name: King Abdullah Bin Abdulaziz (al-Saud, of course). It has a nice official photo of the king. Oddly, he lists his address as Little Rock, Arkansas. Maybe he is a secret Razorback supporter although I doubt he went to college there. Still, he doesn’t have to eat them to be a fan. It is kosher to support them.

There is a link on his page (wall) asking me to ask his majesty to permit me to add his majesty as a friend. Dutifully I clicked on the link and now the king has a request from this humble person asking permission to add him to my empty list of friends. After all, I haven’t been near a monarch in many years, and the last one I met wore a cocktail dress and pearls.

I took a peek at his majesty’s friends and was surprised that not many of them look royal or even kingly: some look downright stoned out of their heads, like the weeders of yore that I knew in the Bay Area. And a couple of his female friends are appropriately skimpily clad, (if you are the type that looks at the glass as half-empty, which I am usually not, especially in a case like this).

Egyptian President Husni Mubarak, in power for 28 years, has over 20 accounts, two of them carrying his full name, Mohamed Husni Mubarak. Most of his accounts don’t list Egypt as his location: maybe that is for security reasons?

There is, however, a Husni Mubarak Fan Club, with only 360 members: a surprisingly small number for a leader who has never lost an election, one who doesn’t even need to hold elections. Maybe these are the only people who have benefited from his rule. I wonder if Ayman Nour, who is rotting in Mubarak’s jail on trumped up charges, has more fans. He was the only man ever to run against Mubarak, and somehow I don’t think anyone will, ever again.

The Dauphin, his son Gamal (Jamal in non-Egyptian Arabic), has several accounts one of which lists his supporters at 401. Probably those who benefit from his father’s rule plus others who expect to benefit from his rule when he takes over. There was one account for Gamal Mubarak Lovers, with 265 members only. Which means that not all those benefitting from his father’s rule love the son also.

Yemen’s Ali Abdullah Salih, president for over 30 years, has an account listed as: United Happy Yemen without Ali Abdullah Salih: I think they meant “with”  rather than “without”. He has another account listing him as residing in Bowling Green, Kentucky, where there is no qat to chew but plenty of Jim Beam.

Bahrain’s king has an account listed as: King of hearts - King Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa. This first reminded me of Las Vegas for some reason, then I remembered that Valentine’s is upon us, even though it does not specify what kind of hearts he is king of. His fan club has 810 members only, although the Sunni minority elite in Bahrain numbers much more than that, I think. Maybe they left out a few zeros.

Syria’s Bashar al-Asad has his account as well, under the title: Bashar Al-Asad, and he has 7,564 fans exactly, which is surprising. He couldn’t be more popular than the other Arab oligarchs and potantates. These must be the only ones who have been officially asked to admire him.

His Most Royal Highness Prince al-Waleed Bin Talal al-Saud has several accounts under his name. One of these accounts is a joint one with a woman. He is listed as having 1,681 fans, which made me somewhat jealous: I have no fans, not yet. I wonder how many of these fans are Citigroup executives and CNBC anchorwomen, and possibly a few anchormen.

Iraq’s Muqtada al-Sadr has more than six accounts in his name, but two of them are suspicious because they are located in Winnipeg and Stockholm.

Iran’s Mohmoud Ahmadinejad has many many accounts, and, and many more carry his fan club and hate club names. Apparently he shares one Facebook account with Ann Coulter, another vacuous conservative icon, which makes sense. The other one I really liked was for the “Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Appreciation Society”, but I declined to join it.

His boss, Supreme Leader Ayatollah Sayyid Ali Khamenai has an account that lists 903 fans only. I guess it has been a long time for many Iranians.

Usama Bin Laden about 8 accounts in his name (there are more under Osama), but none lists the Pakistan, Saudi, or Afghanistan networks. I could not find a Facebook account for any of his wives.

On the dour side, the Mufti of Saudi Arabia, Shaikh Abdul-Azeez Aal al-Shaikh (a k a ash-Shaikh), has no account. It is fun to have your name as your title, sort of like John the John. I call him the palindromic shaikh for obvious reasons (check the dictionary). Maybe he can double with Israel’s Tzipi Livni. Tzipi has many, many, accounts under her name. More than any Arab leader, and she has many fans and supporters. She also has many detractors. Anyway, the shaikh can do much worse- as for Tzipi, she can’t do worse. That’s for sure.

Libya’s Colonel Muammar al-Gaddafi has 15 accounts and boasts 835 fans, one in the name of his son Hannibal.

Even Saddam Hussin still has his account under his full legal name:  Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti صدام حسين عبد المجيد التكريتي. He is listed as a politician, and he has 280 supporters, which is more than I do, and I am still alive.

The bloody Jordanian terrorist Abu Musaab Al Zarqawi still keeps 5 accounts open, from the beyond, presumably keeping an eye on his former fans in al-Anbar and Samarra.

Che Guevara is the most popular dead person, based on Facebook accounts, even more than Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov or Stalin.

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The most popular among all, dead or alive are President Barack Obama and Governor Sarah Palin. Their friends and fans count in the millions (Obama) and hundreds of thousands (Palin). Those Middle East rulers need to improve their image some more.

Most of the oligarchs are not really active on Facebook; they are probably even less active than me. Still, it is not as potentially dangerous for them as it is for their subjects to post on the network. Many people have ended up in jail or worse, and I am not talking about simple waterboarding here, simply for giving in to the temptation of venting off online.

Maybe they, the oligarchs, do it because they think it is important to save face, even when other parts are completely exposed.

There are many more oligarchs and potentates on Facebook than I mentioned, but I shall refrain from commenting now, with the admirable goal of protecting the innocent.

Cheers

mhg